Monkeys and typewriters...

So I have arrived in Chicago (over a week ago actually) and I'm getting settled. The job-hunting part of things kinda sucks, but the networking part goes well. The working on the basement goes well, but the getting near to done kinda sucks.

Feeling like I still fit goes well. I'm unemployed, worried and not doing much but I am feeling happier, feeling more like Brian again.

Friends are good, it's going to be some time getting used to drinking a lot again (don't mind) but it's kinda funny, I'll be seeing less movies and possibly more live music so I think that trade off works.

More updates as it goes, such as I may be kinda unemployed but have some consulting work to do for Variety so it's helping with the networking.

I'm rambling, will resume updating this later this week.

Hope of the States still rule.

low resonance

or a lack of harmony if you will.

The past week has been tough, things at work are better than they have been yet at the same time everything else seems tougher, there are less people here that I can depend on than I previously believed, making it better that I am shifting myself to the east. If I had to deal with this continuously after everything I went through to make this decision I think I'd be very stressed to be staying here when people can seem to support me when I need them to.

This was a bad weekend, I felt tried on Friday though had a good talk with Clint and the movie wasn't as bad as it could have been, but the bbq was a fucking mess and I don't think I want to repeat it, I almost don't want to have any more of them. Can't tell roomie that as he's savoring them and going to miss doing this when I'm gone, so chin up I suppose...

P.S.

Crickets are retarded.

back in

I excused myself from last weekend's post as I was out of town and doing my best to avoid the technologies.

So, to recap, had financial consolidation call, they didn't call me back and now I think that will have to wait until I am back in Chicago because I flat out just don't have the patience to handle that at the moment.

I had one job interview in Chicago, networked, generally made a good impression and will likely have something solid there by mid August. I am moving, without a shadow of a doubt, in the first week of July. I've already made a reservation for the trailer (to move shit) and everything. Now I just need to change the name on half the bills (and the lease) so my roomie doesn't have issues in the future. Well, issues I could actually prevent I should say...

So I'm still sending out more resumes (as soon as I finish this) and all that happy crappy. I'm feeling better than before because I have a real resolve about all this, I know it most be done, and I'm looking forward to the challenge and change, which, while I wish I didn't have to deal with the crap I'm currently handling, if refreshing.

End of week one.

So there's progress.

I've gotten some of my shit together, have some options on what to do on some other items and am still looking forward on many pieces. I've got an appointment to consult on some of my credit issues and try and take care of them shortly. Depending on whether or not I'm moving I will be trying to defer all my loans for a bit because it will give me some time to get my feet back under me and at least get my bills in order, if not also build up a buffer.

This week is going to suck because my trip to Chicago feels pointless, I'm taking so much time specifically because of the hope that I would be setting up meetings/interviews and as of now I have nothing arranged at all. While it's always good to see family, it's hard to deal with it for a week when I feel like I should be getting so much more done on the whole but I haven't.

So, do I move to Chicago as an unemployed leach and just hope things work out or do I continue to sit here and hope things work out. I've got to be out of Variety by the end of June and there's no two ways about it, I have no job prospects here either, so where does that leave me? Do I just say 'fuck it' take a further credit hit for a few months and just hope I can swing things or do I start taking any job I can out here and just hope in a year or two when I try to move again it works out better? In reality, I can't imagine this is ever going to be easy to do, it will never get convenient to move across country, and it will never be a sure thing.

It's something I have to decide on when I'm in Chicago otherwise there will be little time left to do anything.

Sunday Sunday...

Never can recall much of that song outside of 'Sunday Sunday.' Not that it fucking matters, but it kinda sticks in my head for some reason.

I'm going to try and do something here every Sunday now. Just to have a schedule, because otherwise I won't do it, and because I think it might be therapeutic and allow me to try and work some shit out. It probably won't be very interesting, but it's definitely more for me than you, nonexistent reader, so apologies.

I'm at a weird point in my life both in terms of direction and as far as self-examination goes. I'm trying to make a huge change in my life at the moment and not having very much luck with it. In part because I have come to the realization that I am very diabolical, or self-sabotaging, which really contrasts with the view I've held of myself for so long. I've always thought I was strong and could do whatever I wanted to do, yet here I am just trying to get a job in Chicago and moving home and I feel like I'm holding myself back, I don't feel like I'm doing nearly enough to get myself there. I have been relying too much on a few leads/thoughts/promises and I'm realizing that none of them are going to pan out. I have to be out of my current job in about two months and I have no other options coming towards me.

This diabolicalness also manifests itself in he way that I have NEVER gotten my shit together financially. Part of that is because I don't make dick and I have crazy amounts of debt; but part of it is also the fact that I never hold myself to what I try to do as a budget (partially because it's unreasonable) but I should be doing more. Like getting rid of my car, but I have to look into breaking my lease first, which I never do.

It's always interesting to learn that you are not who you idealized yourself as. The larger test, beyond dealing with it, is what you do with it.

That for me is still unseen.

Coachella 2006 Pt. 2

Sunday, April 30th
(still no real order)
The Octopus Project - I have no idea what they'd sound like on CD, but they were interesting and different live. Really should remember to look them up.
Giant Drag - Still not in love with the band, well written songs, hilarious titles, just don't grab me. Do recommend them live, besides being solid live the vocalist is hilariously off-color.
Infadels - Fun stuff, but having heard some album tracks I'm done with them.
Mates of State - Great catchy pop music. Simple but good.
Murs - Awesome hip-hop, there was an interesting blend of hip-hop style lyrics and the generally more aggressive straight ahead rapping.
The Magic Numbers - I felt like I was watching something like the Mamas and the Papas. Not a bad thing, they do it well and it was differet.
Jamie Lidell - Fucking awesome live. I was wondering how he'd translate, a lone white British dude singing soul and overacting like a James Brown impersonator, but he amazed. I was meaning to go check out another set towards the end of his, but I couldn't force myself to leave before he ended.
Dungen - We walked to the tent with the intention of stopping...couldn't do it.
Metric - Awesome, didn't know much of them but I'm beginning to dig their album, damn good live for a band I basically didn't know.
Ted Leo & the Phamacists - Awesome shit, I've been hearing about them forever and have always been too lazy to check them out past a song or two, but I was really impressed live. Just straight, loud (at times) rock'n'roll. Picked up an outstanding CD of theirs aftwerwards. Also awesome because the Ted covered the beginning of Daft Punk's 'One More Time.'
Seu Jorge - One of the most stand-out performances of the fest because I didn't know what to expect. I have his album Cru and I know the Bowie covers, but didn't know how well it was going to work for me live. I loved it, the music had a very deffinite vibe to it that just screamed that this was something personal and authentic.
Digable Planets - Classic hip-hop, these guys were great live, totally fun and on the spot. I would've liked to check all their set, but I don't know if I missed much, I got exactly what I wanted from them.
Gnarls Barkley - Hype can be a dangerous thing, sometimes it backfires and you end up disappointed even though an act is good, it's not good enough to live up to the hype. Sometimes. Othertimes you get to watch something like Gnarls Barkley. With a 12 piece backing band (including a string quartet and Chris Vrenna of Tweaker/NIN on drums) full costumes, great music and just an overall positive vibe it was one of the most fun sets, probably second to Daft Punk. CD is outstanding, and has a very different feel from the live show (this was their first ever concert).
Wolf Parade - Heard plenty about these guys, liked what I saw live but I honestly can't tell you anything else. Means I probably won't pick up their album.
Mogwai - Coachella is damn near the perfect setting for this band in my opinion. Their sound fits great in the outdoors in the middle of nowhere when you can grab a spot of grass, stand, sit, whatever, and just drop into the sound. Only negative about them; conflicting with Massive Attack, if it was any other band I would've stayed all the way.
Massive Attack - But I wouldn't have missed Massive Attack for anything, even Tool. They performed to perfection. They are the sort of band that gets the crowd going, because it doesn't fit the music, but musically they were on so incredibly. They had five vocalists for this show, which isn't even a part of a tour, plus the full band. Of course, now after not playing the US for about 9 years, they're coming back to LA AGAIN. Not complaining, I'll go again.
Tool - This was a very different Tool than I had seen live in the past. Performance-wise they were very on and the song selection was great, heard three of the new tracks (The Pot, Jambi, Vicarious) and a great selection from the back catalog, minus anything from Opiate (unless I'm mistaken). What makes this set different from the other Tool shows I've seen was Maynard, talking and even moving a bit. To those who haven't seen them that sounds like an odd sticking point, but the whole last tour Maynard stood in one spot and probably never once spoke to the crowd. The music and visuals were good enough that no one seemed to care so it was great. The Maynard who showed up to Coachella was more like the Maynard I've read interviews with, he was teasing the crowd, making sardonic remarks and rambling at points about ridiculous things (such as buying a gold ring shaped like popcorn so when he punches people in the head it looks like they were fucked up by popcorn). It was really entertaining, and made for a very 'different' Tool show, but was also confusing as hell.

Overall: all kinds of awesome, as is every year.

Coachella 2006 pt. 1

Thursday:
Jim and Pat land around 10pm. We booze and bable until about 1am. Awesome.

Friday:
We rule, less than three hours to get to Coachella as opposed to the previous 5-6 hours trips. Set up our tent, set up some girl's tent, play cards, have a beer, eat diiner, go to pre-party with loads of free booze and a cool t-shirt (see us having fun below). Awesome people-watching. Say hey to J. Devil Hughes.


Saturday:
(not in real order)
Head Automatica - Sounded interesting at first until the suck settled in.
The Section Quartet - They cover alternative songs as a string quartet, it sounds exactly like it reads, awesome.
Nine Black Alps - Was really looking forward to these guys and arrived at the perfect time. Lots of fun, nothing groundbreaking, but entertaining.
Wolfmother - Holy mother of awesome. Can't wait to hear these guys in another album or two.
New Amsterdams - Not bad, not my thing.
Matt Costa - I think I saw him, I think I was entertained.
Eagles of Death Metal - It's J.Devil, what more do you need?
Walkmen - Sounded good, but really didn't grab me. I wan't inspired by the one album I knew, and I wasn't inspired by their performance.
Devendra Banhart - Interesting enough, possibly better on CD.
Animal Collective - A truly bizarre performance, different from the album, in a good interesting way.
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - I don't get the hype either on CD or in person.
Ladytron - Sounds like the album, very cold live.
TV on the Radio - I don't know if it was just what I caught, but this seemed very much like a 'fuck around and do different shit' sort of set, I'm sure a number of the tunes are also new which helped the confusion, but I enjoyed it anyway because.
My Morning Jacket - Pretty fun, not mind blowing, but could check them out at some point.
Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley - Only listened from a distance, but I was pretty impressed, not huge into reggae, but it was good.
Siqur Ros - Wish I caught more of this set, but it was really impressive and convinced me that I need to see them again.
Franz Ferdinand - Watched a bit, and listened to a bit more as I wandered away. They sound exactly like you expect them to live; I'm not huge on them but I get why people are.
Depeche Mode - After seeing the Cure two years ago (and them sucking horribly) I'm never sure what to expect out of 80's groups that are still around. These guys were awesome, I caught just over and hour of their set, and if it was anyone but Daft Punk I would've stayed the whole time.
Daft Punk - This is the second year in a row that Coachella has had an electronic artist that I figured would be 'pretty damn fun' blow me the fuck away (last year was Prodigy). The fact that Daft Punk did this with two robots hanging out in a pyramid, and no one else on stage speaks volumes about their sound. Truly holy-fuck worthy.

Sunday comes eventually

Whee!!

So things here have settled a bit, I know that makes no sense as I haven't rambled about things being unsettled, but tough.

Free concert tonight, pre-Coachella thingy on Friday, Coachella Saturday and Sunday, two eagerly anticipated CDs arriving soon (that I barely paid anything for), two friends flying in for the show...this is what qualifies for a good week.

Easter was non-existent for me, no big surprise there, but who cares at this point. It's hard to get hung up on these things because I distance myself from them by necessity.

Blanking on everything else. Huge posts next week per the normal post-Coachella wrap-up.

To get you in the spirit...

Irony at it's worst.

So today I finally started therapy for my knees, something I have been trying to do for awhile. Not long after I moved to CA the pain got worse and worse, before I would get a twitch here and there but nothing serious. Since I moved there have been nights where I didn't sleep at all because of the pain. Due to no insurance, changing insurance and millions of other things it has taken awhile for me to get to this point. I've held off rejoining a soccer team because I felt I should make sure my knees get better before I make them worse. So I start therapy and I finally find out why my knees have gotten so much worse.

It's because I stopped playing soccer.

Yes, I stopped playing soccer because I wanted to get my knees taken care of and because it took so long they got worse, because I wanted them to get better.

I'm not going get into technical descriptions, but yes, that is it.

End of an Era

The Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burgers building demolition began today.

A moment of silence, please.







Thank you.

DC

Short version:
DC is awesome.

Long version:
Aside from the stupid plane problems on both ends of the trip, DC was great, I should've stayed a few extra days because I think I did half of everything I wanted to do. There are far too many museums, monuments and galleries to check out in the span of three full days. Walking around everywhere is great, but blisters are not. I loved the contrast between some of the monuments, comparing something like the FDR monument to the Jefferson monument shows such a contrast, both in how we have evolved as a society in that we percieve and memorialize people in such contrastly different ways now. Frankly I actually like the FDR memorial more than most. The Holocaust Museum was one of the heaviest things I have ever seen or been too, extremely depressing and humbling to see how negligent our country was during that time.

On a happier note, 'Thank You For Smoking' is awesome, seeing it in DC with a friend who works on the Hill (and I worked with entertainment people) makes it incredibly awesome.

Restraunts that serve S'mores as dessert, and bring a live flame to your table for this, are also awesome. As are bars that have a beer-listing that is longer than some Harvard dissertations.

All in all I could keep rambling, I loved DC and will have to go back there at some point. If I stay in non-profit work, who knows, I could move there...

Bitter tea

One of the biggest insults that I have had levied against me is to always be such a 'great friend;' it's the male counter part to 'always a bridesmaid, never the bride.'

The world wants me to believe that there is nothing wrong with me, that the 'right' person is out there for me, but I'm beginning to know better.

I am not the right person for anyone, I am the sort of person someone 'sett;es for.

No one desires to be with someone like me.

Instead of calling someone 'just a great friend' the next time around. Tell them the truth; ' you might be a decent human being, but there is absolutely nothing in your soul or being that would compell anyone to ever actually love you. Instead I would rather rely and depend on you and call you when someone else shits all over my life; but the parts of life that living is about, the parts that mean something, you're not worth keeping around.'

Don't worry about 'hurting someone's feelings,' just grow a backbone and say what you really mean. I have had more pacificying slaps in the face that you can count, don't worry about my feeling. I have been less offended by an ex threatening to 'rip my head off' that I have been by the countless number of 'freinds' who thought they were saving my feelings.

I lose!

Per the norm....

Silly silly chromosome...

Ok, I've sucked this month admittedly, but oh well. I have spent much of this month racking my brain for the answer to every guy's biggest question, 'what in the hell is that girl thinking?' And I don't mean that in a deragotory, 'She's loco' sorta way, I mean in in the, 'What in the hell is she thinking?' sorta way. It is both entertaining and frustrating. It's been awhile since I've actually given a shit about what those of the female persuasion think that I am quite rusty at this. Mayhaps I will figure this out this week? Time will only tell.

In other news, I'm quitting all sorts of things. No more coffee, pop, junkfood, sweetened tea or being fucking lazy. It's only been three weeks, but I'm doing damn good so far. Minus the fact that I'm tired on the weekends more often I'm actually doing better during the week while getting less sleep.

Anyway, time to go back to work, and if anyone knows and good games (i.e. worth spending money on) for a PSP let me know, I figure I should own a game or two besides hacking it up some.

Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burgers

I drive past a place called "Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burger" on my way to and from work everyday. While I'm sure the burgers are quite meaty, I've generally been frightened at the prospect of what they taste like. I finally noticed today (while stuck behind a bus that decided to stop just to spite me) that this place has gone out of business.

I'm sure the owners are still puzzling over it.

Moving fun!

Yeah, I didn't move, but I still managed to deal with the fun of it this past week or so. I finally got a replacement roommate for Stevo this week, and learned that moving refridgerators is not fun when it's raining. Anyway, I think this will work out better, new guy actually wants to be social and go out, not sit in the apartment being depressed and bored.

Party past Saturday; not the biggest or the best, but they had plenty of Belgium beer which kept me happy. I think I only knew three people there which was amusing as the age difference between the people I knew and the rest of the crowd was a good number of years. Fun times because we just sat around making jokes at people and one of the girls I met asked for my info so she could invite me to their next party. Nothing special, but nice to know that I don't completely offend everyone I meet.

Hmm...music...too much of it lately....OD'ing....need to stop buying music for about a month. Actually, that may not be a bad idea....rant rant rant

Lord of the Cynics

I was going through some internal dialogue (I do this quite a bit) and realized that I am an incredibly cynical person. I'm actually getting worse with age, which will probably frighten people who have known me for a long time. But apparently it's not as impossible as I had believed. This leads me to believe that I am a veritable wellspring of cynicism. I'm quite happy with that.

I love Minnesota

...not that I want to live there, but they get the best gubernatorial candidates, even beating out some of the crazies from the past CA election.

First they elect Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, paving the way for CA's own Ahnold, now they have this guy in the running.

It's not like I think he has a chance in hell in winning, but christ that page is great!