Irony at it's worst.

So today I finally started therapy for my knees, something I have been trying to do for awhile. Not long after I moved to CA the pain got worse and worse, before I would get a twitch here and there but nothing serious. Since I moved there have been nights where I didn't sleep at all because of the pain. Due to no insurance, changing insurance and millions of other things it has taken awhile for me to get to this point. I've held off rejoining a soccer team because I felt I should make sure my knees get better before I make them worse. So I start therapy and I finally find out why my knees have gotten so much worse.

It's because I stopped playing soccer.

Yes, I stopped playing soccer because I wanted to get my knees taken care of and because it took so long they got worse, because I wanted them to get better.

I'm not going get into technical descriptions, but yes, that is it.

End of an Era

The Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burgers building demolition began today.

A moment of silence, please.







Thank you.

DC

Short version:
DC is awesome.

Long version:
Aside from the stupid plane problems on both ends of the trip, DC was great, I should've stayed a few extra days because I think I did half of everything I wanted to do. There are far too many museums, monuments and galleries to check out in the span of three full days. Walking around everywhere is great, but blisters are not. I loved the contrast between some of the monuments, comparing something like the FDR monument to the Jefferson monument shows such a contrast, both in how we have evolved as a society in that we percieve and memorialize people in such contrastly different ways now. Frankly I actually like the FDR memorial more than most. The Holocaust Museum was one of the heaviest things I have ever seen or been too, extremely depressing and humbling to see how negligent our country was during that time.

On a happier note, 'Thank You For Smoking' is awesome, seeing it in DC with a friend who works on the Hill (and I worked with entertainment people) makes it incredibly awesome.

Restraunts that serve S'mores as dessert, and bring a live flame to your table for this, are also awesome. As are bars that have a beer-listing that is longer than some Harvard dissertations.

All in all I could keep rambling, I loved DC and will have to go back there at some point. If I stay in non-profit work, who knows, I could move there...

Bitter tea

One of the biggest insults that I have had levied against me is to always be such a 'great friend;' it's the male counter part to 'always a bridesmaid, never the bride.'

The world wants me to believe that there is nothing wrong with me, that the 'right' person is out there for me, but I'm beginning to know better.

I am not the right person for anyone, I am the sort of person someone 'sett;es for.

No one desires to be with someone like me.

Instead of calling someone 'just a great friend' the next time around. Tell them the truth; ' you might be a decent human being, but there is absolutely nothing in your soul or being that would compell anyone to ever actually love you. Instead I would rather rely and depend on you and call you when someone else shits all over my life; but the parts of life that living is about, the parts that mean something, you're not worth keeping around.'

Don't worry about 'hurting someone's feelings,' just grow a backbone and say what you really mean. I have had more pacificying slaps in the face that you can count, don't worry about my feeling. I have been less offended by an ex threatening to 'rip my head off' that I have been by the countless number of 'freinds' who thought they were saving my feelings.

I lose!

Per the norm....

Silly silly chromosome...

Ok, I've sucked this month admittedly, but oh well. I have spent much of this month racking my brain for the answer to every guy's biggest question, 'what in the hell is that girl thinking?' And I don't mean that in a deragotory, 'She's loco' sorta way, I mean in in the, 'What in the hell is she thinking?' sorta way. It is both entertaining and frustrating. It's been awhile since I've actually given a shit about what those of the female persuasion think that I am quite rusty at this. Mayhaps I will figure this out this week? Time will only tell.

In other news, I'm quitting all sorts of things. No more coffee, pop, junkfood, sweetened tea or being fucking lazy. It's only been three weeks, but I'm doing damn good so far. Minus the fact that I'm tired on the weekends more often I'm actually doing better during the week while getting less sleep.

Anyway, time to go back to work, and if anyone knows and good games (i.e. worth spending money on) for a PSP let me know, I figure I should own a game or two besides hacking it up some.

Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burgers

I drive past a place called "Mo' Better Meaty Meat Burger" on my way to and from work everyday. While I'm sure the burgers are quite meaty, I've generally been frightened at the prospect of what they taste like. I finally noticed today (while stuck behind a bus that decided to stop just to spite me) that this place has gone out of business.

I'm sure the owners are still puzzling over it.

Moving fun!

Yeah, I didn't move, but I still managed to deal with the fun of it this past week or so. I finally got a replacement roommate for Stevo this week, and learned that moving refridgerators is not fun when it's raining. Anyway, I think this will work out better, new guy actually wants to be social and go out, not sit in the apartment being depressed and bored.

Party past Saturday; not the biggest or the best, but they had plenty of Belgium beer which kept me happy. I think I only knew three people there which was amusing as the age difference between the people I knew and the rest of the crowd was a good number of years. Fun times because we just sat around making jokes at people and one of the girls I met asked for my info so she could invite me to their next party. Nothing special, but nice to know that I don't completely offend everyone I meet.

Hmm...music...too much of it lately....OD'ing....need to stop buying music for about a month. Actually, that may not be a bad idea....rant rant rant

Lord of the Cynics

I was going through some internal dialogue (I do this quite a bit) and realized that I am an incredibly cynical person. I'm actually getting worse with age, which will probably frighten people who have known me for a long time. But apparently it's not as impossible as I had believed. This leads me to believe that I am a veritable wellspring of cynicism. I'm quite happy with that.

I love Minnesota

...not that I want to live there, but they get the best gubernatorial candidates, even beating out some of the crazies from the past CA election.

First they elect Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, paving the way for CA's own Ahnold, now they have this guy in the running.

It's not like I think he has a chance in hell in winning, but christ that page is great!

Good weekend...

Friday was an interesting show at the Knitting Factory: MGR, House of Low Culture, Red Sparrowes, and Jarboe from the Swans. Keep in mind that interesting is not always good, sometimes it's just being polite. Red Sparrowes were fucking great, I'm not sure what the 'official' term is for that type of music but it should be be 'awesome.' It's a side project from a few guys in Isis and Neurosis, with no singer and more upbeat than either of them. Really impressivley put together stuff, amazing live. The rest of the bands deserve a hearty 'meh' except Jarboe who deserved (and recieved) an 'oh shit my ears are bleeding let us run like hell out of here.'

Saturday was fun too, saw Trivium and In Flames. Trivium was ok, good sound and performance, but the guy really should not have talked at all. In Flames were fucking great and the singer was drunk as fucking hell, which did not hamper his performance and it made him hilarious in between songs. My only disappointment was that he dragged someone out of the crowd to sing one of my favorite songs because he was out of whiskey and had to step away for a bit. Seriously.

Sunday saw the US Men's soccer team embarassing Norway. It was fun, I sat right behind the goal. Killer.

Another week of fun is just ahead!

Moving

The key thing to remember when moving is that if something can go wrong it will, and horribly so.

My whole last week was a blur due to my office moving and all the fun shit associated with that. Between the phone company giving us the wrong number, the previous tennants changing their move date a few times, the building not finishing work until the day we were moving, the movers cancelling on us the day of the move and the fact that somewhere in there my wrist got all screwy, moving was a fun time.

But it's over and the new office is much better, still needs some organization but it's definitely way beyond where we were before.

I'm just happy to have a window.

Oooff!

I have tried to update this about three times since I got back into town, but work has just been so crazy, I'm in the middle of launching the second half of our major fundraising campaign and it's just keeping me floored here at work and when I get home the last thing I really want to do is sit in front of the computer.

That said, outside of the craziness (campaign AND moving this coming Monday) work is great. Finally had my review and it went over well, small valid note for improvement, but otherwise very positive. I knew I was doing alright, but still enjoy the feedback (especially since it was good), and I think my boss is overall happier with my performance than I am. I can always find lots of little things that I need to improve, but that's because I'm insane about looking over my own soldier.

Random...listening to lots of new music lately, and here's a list of things that fucking own your soul: LCD Soundsystem (yes the 'single' can be a little old and kitchy but there's some fucking genious on this), Jamie Lidell (new soul from a white European dude, great programming + soul = upbeat awesomeness), Gorillaz (lot better than I was expecting, great driving music), Avalanches (older but good,hard to describe, sort of cut-up style of Prefuse 73 but with more funk and soul as opposed to hip-hop).

Yeah, otherwise same old shit, just hanging out in LA, waiting for something to happen, might be taking a trip to the other coast in March/April, but not 100% on that yet, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than Chicago for once.

Yeah, next entry will try and be more 'interesting' but this was just a 'catch-up' post.

Here in my car...

Since I always post about the damn mythological beast that I liked to pretend my vehicle is, here is a recent pic of the bastid.

(Yes, there is a real reason to click it.)

Just because

Faith

Faith is a funny thing. I'm not talking about the religious 'fall to my knees and ask forgiveness from a statue' sort of faith. I'm referring to the faith and expectations that we hold of our loved ones, family and friends alike. And how truly irreparable it can be. A conversation I had yesterday destroyed what I percieved about two people. One I can't stop feeling for and the other I can't imagine how I will ever fake a smile in their direction again.

Strange...

Here I am writing in my blog, and strangely enough my car is still working; I think this is the first time in about 3 months that this has happened.

Things here and crazed I guess, Turkeyday was great, a good friend let me sully a family gathering so that I did not have to spend it alone (i.e. last year) and I had an all around good time. Things have been going up in the air about what I'm doing in regards to my living situation in the next month or so. I thought I was moving with some friends, then I wasn't, then I could, then I didn't think I was, so I was going to have to live by myself, now I may not even have to move and I might have a roommate. Won't be sure of that last part until early next week, but I'll be sure to forget to update the three who care.

Work is also taking a turn for the better, I feel like I'm slacking on so much stuff, but I'm working as hard as I can, we might actually be hiring someone else soon which would make me happy, and less stressed.

At this point I'm just really looking forward to resting for another two days, and then working my ass off for a few weeks so I can go home. The positive bit is that I'm actually getting to at least three concerts this month which is great since it's been a dry spell for the last two months or so.

I think I should get back on track with this thing as I thin it's good for my mental health to vent, but there's still shit I don't feel I CAN write about here which blows, so if you want to know my cark secret you actually have to talk to me.

NP Killing Joke - Killing Joke - Complications

Why

Why is it that everytime I feel like posting my car is dead at a mechanic?

Anyone want to buy a paperweight with working moon-roof?

Blackout fun!

but not for me...

I'm sorta sad, most of LA suffered from a huge blackout this morning/afternoon (supposedly someone accidently cut a wire there), but my work was untouched.

I like my job, but am extremely lethargic this morning. It doesn't help that I have had about three people call me from work because they're 'bored and can't do anything else' so my nose is being rubbed in it the fact that I'm working and they aren't.

Bastards....

Nothing big and new here in the land of fun. Car's running great, like it always did, but now the $750 CEL is off. Whoopee!

Cars are fun!

I shouldn’t be doing this, but mentally I need to stop for a minute and do something not work. Things have been crazy here, which isn’t a bad thing, because I really do like the place a lot and the things I’ll be doing here are great, but it is crazy at times, and that can be stressful, which is something I’m learning to deal with. But this isn’t really about work.

It’s about the death of the automobile.

Or hopefully mine.

I want to kill it, many times.

It’s in the shop right now, which is the 4^th time in less than two weeks that it has gone in to the shop.

The beauty of it?

It runs fucking great. Unfortunately, the check engine light is on, and has been for the entire time I’ve had the car. Though it annoyed me that no mechanic (I’ve had it at three different VW specialists) could get the light to stay off for more than 25 miles, I never sweat it because I take good care of it and make all its scheduled maintenance. I still don’t really care about it because it runs fine. The issue? It won’t pass smog, even though it will (and has) passed the emissions part of the test it doesn’t matter, it automatically fails with the light on like that.

Anyone have any other ideas?

Oh well, I have my car. Until this smog thing is taken care, then I’ll be back to enjoying it.